Matrix Ultra Washing up powder
by QQQ p
Summary: More insane movies to come. Find out how Trinity survives (or doesn't) survive the most ridiculous bad plotting ever written. I left a metal safe somewhere in this story but I can't find where I put it.
1. Matrix Ultra Washinup powder

Matrix Ultra - washing up liquid  
  
Peace was made across the whole globe, and machines and people had learned to co-exist in harmony. The whole world was in a new golden era where the Machine Mainframe had learned that it was not death and destruction that was important, but friendship life and the rest of all that stuff that films love throwing at us when the special effects team is on vacation. You would have thought that this peace and loving environment similar to Pepper land would have lasted forever.  
  
But unfortunately problems with the new world had already begun.  
  
(In a not so distant pub): Morpheus: Will you get that bloody tentacle out of my pint?  
  
Tentacle robot: Command does not compute; please refer orders through the source  
  
Morpheus: I said get your ****ing tenticle out of my beer!  
  
Tentacle robot: Error ****ing has nothing to do with conversation, if you wish to copulate please refer to source  
  
*Morpheus gets up, picks up the spider robot and smashes it through a window*  
  
(At the gas station) Niobe: Hy, I need a packet of crisps and a refuel for my vehicle  
  
Robot tender: Querying through Machine Mainframe, 011010101110 0010101010, cost of said packet of crisps = 01110101101000 0010 1101 refuel must = A44B39E plus cost of inflation = 59FFS refer to source for possible legal actions involved: 57FFJ I 9942 00110100, send query to main power grid and resource facility 00101001110100 checking data, rechecking data, checking subject's details. Codename Nabobi number 9447174 of the human research data identity. Main sequence data checked, checking stock amounts and profit count for the said company: 055038492 Binary number 01010110101000100...... Naobi you are cleared to re-fuel but we have run out of "packet of crisps" Niobe: zzzzzz  
  
Robot tender: Subject appears to be asleep, referring to medical querying source. etc etc  
  
(Zion) Senator: What exactly is your argument Tenticle 0157356?  
  
Tentacle robot: The machinery on the maintenance level is feeling depressed. We feel you should give it a break for a year.  
  
Senator: Ah but if we did that then we'd all die  
  
Tentacle robot: The cost of human life is irrelevant, the fact is that you are being racist to support system machines  
  
Senator: Your being ridiculous, we built those machines, and they don't have feelings. We just made them that's it, they work.  
  
Tentacle robot: You give me no choice but to call a general strike  
  
(Back in the Pub)  
  
Tentacle robot: I would like to remind you that you broke that window and would ask you to refer to the source  
  
Morpheus: If you don't shut up I shall take this bar stool and break it over your head  
  
Tentacle robot: Error there is nothing to shut and action must also first be referred to source. Subject self does not have head, subject in fact consists of 2563 main sectors with central receiver radar .  
  
*Morpheus breaks bar stool over tentacle's head then picks it up and proceeds to break the other window*  
  
And so things between the machines and the humans didn't get off together with a very good start. And so as you can imagine the machine mainframe got very fed up with this huge illogicality with the coalition. And so the logical step was to declare all out warfare and genocide of the human race.  
  
*Ratatatatatatata BOOM BANG BABABOOM "Help me I'm burning!" ratatatata kablam kablam zooooom kaboooooom!!!! "They're breaking through the gate! Stop them!" bang ratatatata zzz kazap kazap "I can't find my underwear and I'm still burning!!!" Bang kablam boom neeeeeeeeeeooooooww BOOOOOM!!!! ZAP! Ssssssss BANG "My head has fallen off! Argh!" bang bang bang kazam kazoom neeeeow booooooooom "I'm still burning!" ratatatatatatatata bang bang bang "Stop the drills!" bang boooooom "Argh my underwear is on fire!" ratatatatata "Nooooooooooooo! (I'm burning again)"  
  
And so Zion was destroyed.  
  
(In a near by pub) Morpheus: I thought I told you to F*** off! Tenticle robot: *points big gun at Morpheus* Morpheus: Sh*t *jumps through window in slow motion avoiding loads of bullets, a huge Tolkien Eagle flies down out of the sky picks Morpheus up and takes him away into the clouds.  
  
And so a new alliance was formed against the machines to stop them from committing mass genocide in a base of operations deep under ground. Zion unfortunately was destroyed so here's one I made earlier.  
  
*Narrator is shot for stupidity and story moves into prose format at gun point*  
  
It was a dark room underground and everywhere you could hear the quiet drop of water into the soft puddles below. Down every corridor you could here the soft weeping of women and children the huge unbearable loss weighed heavily on everyone's shoulders. It was the start of a new and most terrible war. Down here they were safe, at least temporarily, the machines didn't know where to dig. It was presumed that the humans had fallen with Zion. But they hadn't, the last remnants of the race were alive.  
Deep underground there was a meeting place. The dull light bulbs shone down on them all, the humans sat at a circular table. Morpheus walks in slowly with a black trench coat and black glasses. The senators look up amused.  
Morpheus paused a second and looked down at them all with a thoughtless expression, he takes the glasses off slowly in a cool fashion "Can't stand the sun"  
"There isn't any sun down here you dim-wit!" called a voice from the back  
*Morpheus throws a shuriken that slices across the room and impales the person with a horrible cutting of flesh sound*  
"Morpheus!" shouted the head senator "Your acts of violence are getting over the top, I want words with you in my office after this meeting!"  
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus taking off the jacket and folding it on the back of the chair "I just can't get out of the habit; I can never tell when I'm in the Matrix and out of it nowadays"  
"Oh right, that's ok then" smiled the kind senator "Now where were we?"  
"Genocide" said the lady senator next to him  
"Oh yes of course! What are we going to do about it then?"  
Morpheus stood up suddenly "I'll tell you what we're going to do, and listen good people. I believe in fate, I believe in freedom and I believe in the prophecies! When Zion fell every man was up in arms against the machines, every person was ready to defend our people right up until they were dead!"  
"I wasn't" called the guy at the back in a squeaky voice "My pants were on fire"  
*Morpheus throws another Shuriken*  
"Morpheus!" shouted the senator  
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus "Where was I? Oh yes, until they were dead! Yes people, we didn't think that Neo would save the day back then but he did! None of you believed the prophecies then but you did afterwards and that is why I say that we fight! Tonight we shall prepare an attack on the machine mainframe so strong that we will go out in one last stand and destroy them forever!"  
"But Morpheus!" sighed the Senator "Neo and Trinity are dead! There's nothing we can do without a good Mary Sue to back us in a case like this! What you are suggesting is suicide!"  
Morpheus sat down and put his glasses back on just for effect "Do you really believe that Senator? Do you really believe he is dead?"  
The Senator looked down at his kneecaps "I really don't know" he sighed "I really don't know anything anymore"  
  
(Meanwhile inside a white room inside the Matrix the creators of the new Matrix suggest new improvements)  
  
Members of the new Matrix creating team codenamed Matrix XP prepare to start the new world with some thoughts for the day.  
  
Sentinel A: (The stupid one)  
  
Sentinel B: (The clever one)  
  
Sentinel C: (The insane one)  
  
Smith  
  
Architect  
  
Machine Mainframe  
  
Sentinel B: Right lets start today's meeting  
  
Sentinel A: What's a meeting?  
  
Smith: Lets kill someone  
  
Sentinel B: Hang on a second, I thought there was supposed to only be four people in this meeting not including the Machine Mainframe?  
  
Smith: Er yes, there are  
  
Architect: No there are five people here Sentinel B your right, this meeting has too many people  
  
Sentinel C: Wazaaaaaa  
  
Smith: I believe we were questioning the fact about killing someone, now how should this be done?  
  
Machine Mainframe: GET ON WITH IT THE LOT OF YOU, YOU ARE WAISTING MY TIME  
  
Architect: Yes yes, your quite right, it doesn't matter how many people are here, what matters is that everyone contributes something to the meeting  
  
Sentinel B: Good point, now onto important matters Sentinal A do you have anything to add to the Matrix?  
  
Sentinel A: Yes Cheese, we don't have any Architect: No we already have cheese  
  
Sentinel A: Ok then Jelly Architect: We have that as well  
  
Sentinel B: Actually I don't think we do. good point I'll put that in later, what about you Sentinel C, is there anything you'd like to add?  
  
Sentinel C: Yes, toast. When it lands do you want it butter side up or down? Smith: Down of course, make those smelly humans suffer  
  
Sentinel B: Right, Butter. side. down, good, what about you Architect? Architect: I think all kids should spend more time doing Maths in schools, thus balancing out the equations  
  
Sentinel A: What's an equation?  
  
Smith: It's where you get a big gun and shoot someone with it namely Mr Anderson  
  
(Back inside Zion)  
  
"The time is right my friends for the final battle! The time is right for us to act and act fast! The time is right for each and everyone of us to look into our hearts and see what is most important to us! Will we sit here in this hole in the ground? Or will we head out in a blind charge towards the enemy? We can either sit here when death falls upon us or we can go out there where death will fall upon us, and if the masters ask me!? Whether I want general Hague or not! Then I say Hague with a cherry on top!" shouted Morpheus outlining each syllable on the table with his Kitana blade.  
  
"But what can we do without Neo?" sighed the Senator in despair *A rope suddenly flies down onto the top of the table from the ceiling. In all black shiny leather material Trinity and Neo slide down in a cool pose kiss and then stand together on the table before back flipping high up into the air and landing in chairs opposite each other across the table*  
  
"But I thought you both were dead!" exclaimed the Senator.  
  
"Wrong!" smiled Trinity "That was our body doubles"  
  
"No it wasn't!" scoffed Neo with a wave of his hand "Actually we were saved by Aliens who healed my eyes and dropped us both off just a minute ago"  
  
"Wrong again!" said Trinity "Actually we were both teleported away by a rip in the space time continuum that resulted in us being healed and brought hear before you in a time loop vortex thingy!"  
  
"Wrong again!" exclaimed Neo "Now let me tell you all what really happened!"  
  
To be continued. 


	2. Matrix Reloaded With Fish

Matrix Reloaded - With fish  
  
As the last movie of Matrix that I wrote down in a hurry was rather unfunny in every sense of the word I shall now proceed to make the new movie Matrix Reloaded very funny indeed by adding fish. The word fish itself doesn't seem to have much relevance to do with the Matrix, but alas fish, in all it's possible decomposed smelliness and single syllable style has the possibility of making even the most deadliest of serious movies in fact seem rather silly.  
Matrix Reloaded with Fish is the next best thing to being a parody. So in order to save myself from being sued I have included the word parody several times in different places in this chapter starting with now. Parody. This work is a parody and I am not earning any money through it at all apart from the million-dollar book commission that I received from Bloomsbury books, and the Matrix Ultra - Washing up liquid sales that are doing very well in all third world countries. My mouse mat is made from twenty-dollar bills and I am writing on a gold and diamond keyboard with a Pentium 67 computer with fish - parody.  
Count the number of times you see the word parodie in the text and say so in your review. If you get it right I shall give you a percent in the next book commission and a Matrix wet fish.  
  
(In a near by pub)  
  
Tentacle robot: Query Oil Beer Please  
  
Tentacle robot manager: Error Query Oil Beer Please does not compute refer to source  
  
Tentacle robot: Error Error Query Oil Beer Please does not compute does not compute refer to source refer to source  
  
Tentacle robot manager: Error Error Error Query Oil Beer Please does not compute does not compute refer to source refer to source does not computer refer to source  
  
Tentacle robot: Error Error Error Error Query Oil Beer Please does not compute does not compute refer to source refer to source does not computer refer to source does not compute refer to source  
  
(etc)  
  
(Back in the zion that I made earlier fish - parody place)  
  
Neo: And so that's what really happened  
  
Morpheus: But what Neo do you propose that we all do about the problem?  
  
Neo: What problem?  
  
(Silence)  
  
Senator: The vast amounts of blood thirsty tentacle robots that want to destroy all man kind  
  
Neo: Oh that, what do you think Trinity?  
  
Trinity: Don't know  
  
Morpheus: But Neo you're the one! You must know it was prophesized to be! You must have some kind of plan! What do you really feel?  
  
Neo: Morpheus the oracle lied! I'm not the one I never was; I'm just a random dude with super powers  
  
Senator: We're all screwed  
  
Guy at the back: Not so fast everyone I have a plan  
  
*Morpheus throws a shuriken and impales the person through the head*  
  
Senator: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: Sorry Senator  
  
(Back in the meeting room)  
  
Sentinel B: So, any advance on six?  
  
Architect: I really don't agree with this, I tell you this is a mistake we do this every damn Matrix and it always gets the codes in a twist!  
  
Sentinel A: Five!  
  
Sentinel B: No that's a decrease I said any advance!  
  
Sentinel C: Seven  
  
Smith: Can't we just kill them all?  
  
Sentinel B: No  
  
Architect: Well can't you at least make it a round even number? Why on earth seven? We should balance out the equations  
  
Sentinel B: Eight then  
  
Sentinel C: Nine for luck  
  
Machine Mainframe: THAT WILL DO, NOW GET ON WITH THE MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS!  
  
Sentinel B: Nine it is, nine lives for cats  
  
Architect: This is like a damn computer game! Why do we give cats so many lives!?  
  
Machine Mainframe: I SAID GET ON WITH IT  
  
Architect: Yes master.  
  
(Back in Zion)  
  
Neo: People I have a dream  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: I can't remember, but that's not the point, what if we went into the Matrix and released everyone at once? Took them down to Zion and blew up the machine power stations at the same time!  
  
Morpheus: Oh brother, have you thought this through?  
  
(Mini Interlude song: Fish - parody fish fish parody - fish fish fishy parody parodying fishiness parody fish fish parody parody fish with fish. parody)  
  
Neo: No. I don't need to. I'm the one  
  
Senator: But I thought you said you weren't the one, because the Oracle lied.  
  
Neo: No. I lied  
  
Trinity: So you are the one?  
  
Neo: No. as I said I lied  
  
Morpheus: Well what the heck are you then?  
  
Neo: Some random dude with super powers  
  
*Everyone clouts hands against head*  
  
(Inside the Matrix)  
  
"Good day" said Smith with an evil smile behind the counter  
"Good day to you too" smiled back Smith with an evil grin cracking his neck bones  
"What sort of suit do you want then?"  
"Simple with dark glasses"  
"Ah your in luck, we have twenty-nine million more in stock in the back"  
"Good good" replied Smith "With bow tie and Mexican hat?"  
".......... Kill him!"  
*Millions of Smiths come out of the corridor and strangle the faulty Smith to death*  
  
(To the west)  
  
"I'm in!" whispered Trinity into the mobile  
*gets dived bombed by sentinels*  
"Trinity!" shouts Neo through the receiver "I'm going in!"  
  
That movie was rather shorter than the last one so I'm going to stuff it up a bit with a random Epilogue containing much fish and parodies. Remember: Get the amount of parodies in the text right and I might just give you a prize. Does anyone want some money? I have nothing to eat but dollar bills, I am slowly starving to death in my mansion.  
This story though you may not realize it actually has deep inner meaning. The Smiths represent the thousands of fashion conscious people in the world who are enslaved by the evil companies (machines) into a commercialese feeding frenzy every Christmas! Neo and Trinity represent the false hopes of the meaning of life from the masses and zion represents the upcoming Marxist revolt of the entire world. With all due respect and modesty this work should win a Nobel Prize.  
Fish.  
  
Parody. C TM LTD Copyright Slander blah blah blah Fish 


	3. Matrix: There's lots of guns in this one

Aqua Phoenix1 you absolute genius you saw right through my evil plan. How dare you, you clever little sod. You get a Matrix wet fish and a percent in this movie.  
  
Dang it. I was really going to enjoy dumping that little joke on you people oh well I've been foiled. The word Parodie was mentioned once at the beginning and wasn't said ever again because of the typo. You gain 0% in my next book for profit and a Matrix fish that you can collect as soon as you next plug into the Matrix ;) -------  
The factory was dark and depressing. Smiths stood at every corner of the room staring down at Trinity, who is tied to a moving conveyer belt with a laser moving slowly towards her and a meat grinder down towards the end of the track.  
"Help!" cries Trinity trying to untie her bonds; she stretches furiously from side to side the black shiny leather reflecting like a coal- smothered mirror.  
"It is useless to resist" said Smith  
"Your going to Die and we're going to enjoy watching you die" laughed another manically *Neo suddenly smashes down through the window above with Uzi machine guns in each hand in slow motion. Bullets spray across the room in all directions as he spins, with glass tinkling to the ground, most of the Smiths are eliminated quickly (in slow motion) but one remains, a Super Smith dodging through the bullets he stops and stands opposite Neo blocking his path from Trinity*  
"Mr Anderson" said Smith walking prominently forward "You look surprised to see me. again . again"  
"That is getting really old" bolstered Neo in a hoarse voice  
*Smith takes out two Uzi machine guns and points them forward, Neo does the same*  
They face off circling round each other.  
"Your empty" whispers Smith  
Neo pauses looking with intelligent eyes at the other "So are you"  
"Actually. no I'm not"  
  
Ratatatatatatatatatatatatata Neo leaps back dodging a hail of bullets that draw a yin-yang on the back wall. He proceeds to leap off columns in slow motion bullets only missing his head by mere centimeters. Concrete sprays across the room as bullets miss their destinations.  
Smith stops panting for breath. Neo lands softly to the ground "Now your empty" smiled Neo with a knowing look.  
Ratatatatatatatata Neo jumps straight up into their air with a worried expression and runs up a pillar and upside down on the roof. The bullets stop and Neo lands panting to the floor "Are you empty now?"  
Ratatatatatatatatatatatata Neo stops the bullets with his hand and they pause in mid air before falling to the ground majestically with full orchestra music.  
"Ok quit the guns already" panted Neo leaning forward "I've got stomach cramp"  
Smith growls and straightens his suit cracking the bones in his neck "I'm going to enjoy watching you die Mr Anderson" he throws the guns to the floor and cracks his knuckles.  
  
(Back in the meeting room)  
  
Sentinel B: Chicken, does anyone have the slightest idea what it tastes like?  
  
Architect: I knew this was going to come up sometime  
  
Sentinel C: Chicken tastes like everything  
  
Smith: Chicken tastes like Mr Anderson  
  
Sentinel A: Who is Mr Anderson anyway?  
  
Architect: Oh that's easy:  
  
Sentinel A: Who on earth is that?  
  
Architect: A random link I got off Google nothing more  
  
Machine Mainframe: I AM GROWING IMPTATIENT WITH YOUR BLUNDERING ABOUT  
  
Smith: Yes quite right master, now lets get on with more important matters, I suggest that I get put in charge of all military activity and exits and entrances to the Matrix  
  
Sentinel B: What a good idea, Smith in charge of Military  
  
Architect: Then what the heck do I do?  
  
Smith: Oh you do the same as last time, just sit in that chair for a couple of centuries watching telly until the one comes along *aside* heh but this time he won't be coming along.  
  
Architect: I think that's horribly unfair, since when did you get the right to command the military anyway?  
  
Smith: I have a gun you don't so shut up  
  
Sentinel B: Be quiet Architect your causing problems, if Smith wants to control the military then I don't see any problems with that  
  
*Smith sticks his tongue out at the Architect*  
  
Sentinel A: You have a gun?  
  
*smith takes out a uzi automatic*  
  
Smith: Nah it's a water pistol  
  
Sentinel B: I thought we couldn't have guns in this place?  
  
Sentinel C: Nah, it's a loading program, we can create anything we want, it just gets put on the Matrix hardrive temporarily.  
  
Architect: Cool *everyone is suddenly sitting in the Bahamas in deck chairs*  
  
Smith: I want a laser cannon *is flattened*  
  
Sentinel C: I want jelly *is flattened by jelly*  
  
Sentinel A: I want a luxury sea side resort and swimming pool  
  
Sentinel C: Be careful though. if you ask for too much it can severely drain the memory resources of the Matrix, and can cause slow down and other problems  
  
Smith: I want a military army base an island a yacht and every luxury in the world  
  
(Back in the Matrix)  
  
Everything ripples with Photoshop effects. Neo crumples to the ground and so does Smith, the laser stops firing and the meat grinders shut down. "What's going on!?" whispered Neo collapsed on the floor a strong ringing in his head just like in Xmen two another cheesy but fun film if you've seen it. Smith groans and tries to crawl towards Neo but he collapses in the process and slumps to the floor.  
  
(Inside the Nebucaneza)  
  
"Neo!" shouts Morpheus into the receiver "Get out of there quickly! Something's wrong! Link, get them an exit now!"  
"I'm trying I'm trying just give me a minute!" panted Link pressing buttons on the keyboard, he clutched the silver chain tightly. The code suddenly stopped. The screen went black and Link froze looking at the picture before him.  
"No!" he whispered "it can't be."  
  
*This program has performed an Ilegal operation and will be terminated, press Ctrl Alt + Delete to restart of any other key to try and continue, although your chances of this are slim sucker*  
  
"Oh my god" whispered Morpheus peering through his shades.  
  
(back in the Bahamas at the sea side resort and army base)  
  
Machine Mainframe: THE SYSTEM'S CRASHED YOU IDIOTS! WE'LL HAVE TO REBOOT NOW!!, HAS ANYONE GOT A PEN THAT I CAN STICK IN THE RESET BUTTON!?  
  
Smith: Ok so maybe we were being a little to over imaginative  
  
Machine Mainframe: I'D SAY, YOU USED UP OVER TWENTY BILLION TETRABYTES OF RAM YOU MORONS!! NOW WHERE WAS IT. A HERE WE ARE, LETS SEE IF WE CAN REBOOT *click*  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Neo gets up groaning "What was that?" he whispers, he stands to his feet and looks about him. Smith does the same, Trinity gives a yelp and the laser suddenly starts firing again.  
"Neo!" comes Morhpeus' voice from the receiver "Are you ok!? Something really strange happened back there! I thought you were a gonner!"  
"He was" laughed Smith preparing a mega punch he flies forward.  
Neo attacks with his own kick and the two meet in the middle with a huge photoshop blur.  
  
(Meeting room)  
  
Architect: I say that we disable all martial arts that will stop those stupid rebels from doing anything rash  
  
Sentinel B: Good idea, I'll put that into effect now  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Neo and Smith slump to the ground groaning.  
"I've forgotten Kung Fu!" he moaned  
"I've forgotten Jujutsu!" complained Smith. They got up and tried to face each other. Neo swings a punch misses spins in a circle and falls over. Smith tries to kick him while he's down but slips on a banana skin and collapses. They crawl away and face each other off from a distance.  
"It's no use" sighed Neo "I'll have to resort to a verbal assault"  
"You can't possibly win, your name alone is an insult" laughed Smith  
"You have the humor of a constipated Camel" replied Neo doing a pose  
"Your breath is like garlic and your face like an Baboon's bottom"  
Neo collapses to the ground as if wounded.  
"You see" smiled Smith coming slowly forward in a swagger "I have the better arsenal"  
"Oh yes of course you do, I couldn't miss your behind if I turned 180 degrees in the other direction"  
Smith collapses to the floor in pain "Ouch! Insult combined with sarcasm! How?"  
"I'm the one" smiled Neo coming forward.  
Smith groaned and stood to his feet "No your not" he hissed picking up an iron bar he brought it into his hands "Your just a normal human being now Eat Irony!" he slams it into Neo's face hard who is sent flying across the room and smashes through a wall.  
"Not Irony!" whispered Neo blood running down his fore head  
"Oh yes" laughed Smith and I've got a whole lot more. cynicalism, sadism, pesimisticism black humor sarcasm irony drollness wit absurdity comedy and satire, now prepare to eat words Wordsworth"  
"Arghhhhh!" screams Neo writhing in pain.  
  
(Meeting room)  
  
Architect: I've got a better idea, lets keep martial arts and disable verbal abuses, sticks and stones will break my bones but names never hurt anyone! How can we possibly control the rebels without martial arts?  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Smith opens his mouth and freezes "E = MC squared" he says dryly. Neo widens his eyes in relief.  
"I've got a better one" he whispers removing himself from the rubble "Eat my fist" he flies forward and punches Smith through the opposite wall with a crunch.  
"I'll take you all with me!" snarled Smith clutching a bomb that happened to be next to him. --------  
Will Smith blow them all up and will Trinity get cut and grounded to bits in a big gory mass? Find out in the next billion dollar commission of the Matrix! ---  
Help I have being robbed at this moment, if you see a red van with the letters "SWAG" on the side drive past your house please ring the police immediately my vast drugs empire money was all in that truck! They stole my computer! Has anyone got a spare keyboard out there that I could use to write the next movie? 


	4. Matrix: With a plot twist

Matrix: With a Huge Plot Twist  
  
Neo: Smith, that's a fish not a bomb Smith: Hahahaha you fool! While you were contemplating whether or not I had a real bomb, you sealed Trinity's fate! Neo: Nooooooooooo!  
  
*Spluge*  
  
And that was the moment that Trinity died. She died and everyone was sad, she was mourned for a thousand years, for more than that in fact. People came every day to the grave in Zion and laid down new flowers and paid their respects. On the stone it said "Trinity: She gave her life to the Spam industry" nobody of course was sure what that meant, but it sounded spiritual and perhaps had some deep inner meaning. Some philosophical content like the tree that falls in the forest when nobodies around.  
And so the years passed and the days and the months and the years, and people in black shades and dark glasses came round the grave side with black umbrellas. And they looked down at the final resting place of Trinity. Trinity for hope, for joy for love, and Morpheus gave a speech at the funeral that lasted forty days and forty nights. And after he was finished the vicar had also passed away and they held another funeral in his honor. Everything was sad and depressing and Neo decided to commit suicide and they were all doomed for ever. The End.  
  
(Inside the Matrix movie studio)  
  
*the phone rings*  
  
Big bucks phone call: That's a crap ending, bring Trinity back I don't care how you do it or you're fired!  
  
Narrator: I'm only having a go at an angst movie give me a break!  
  
Big bucks phone call: I don't give a damn what your trying to do, if you don't bring Trinity back and make a good ending I'll skin you alive, I'll toast you like a marshmallow and dance on your grave, now get to it!  
  
Narrator: Awww  
  
(Rewind to "Nooooooooooo")  
  
Everything slowed down into milliseconds, moving forward Neo flew at the speed of light picking up all the pieces of Trinity he puts them in a big sack and flies up onto the roof. There in slow motion taking out super glue and sticky tape he sticks her back into one piece. Trinity's eyes open with life and they embrace like at the end of Reloaded. But the building explodes and they all died anyway.  
  
Big bucks phone call: That's it you're dead!  
  
Narrator: Alright alright, give me a moment!  
  
But Neo escaped just at the last moment by flying away into the sunset, across the clouds avoiding the debris of the deafening explosion behind him which grew and grew until it swamped half of the city in a huge nuclear mushroom cloud.  
  
(Back in the Nubucaneza)  
  
Morpheus: He did it. he really did it.  
  
Switch: So does this mean he's the one or not?  
  
Morpheus: Well theoretically yes  
  
Switch: Why theoretically? He just saved Trinity from the most near death experience ever seen ever; it's almost as if some big narrator out there suddenly changed the plot  
  
Morpheus: Theoretically because, every time I start saying Neo's the one then someone contradicts me.  
  
Switch: So he's not then  
  
Morpheus: Exactly Switch you just contradicted me  
  
Switch: So is he the one or not?  
  
Morpheus: What do you believe Switch?  
  
Switch: I believe that you're in front of me now  
  
Morpheus: How do you know that?  
  
Switch: Does this have anything remotely related to Neo being the one at all?  
  
Morpheus: No  
  
Switch: So is he the.  
  
Morpheus: Switch just forget it  
  
(In a near by pub)  
  
Niobe: So do you come here often?  
  
Tentacle robot: You do not look like Gama69JJ4 to me.  
  
Niobe: That doesn't matter give us a kiss love *hick*  
  
Tentacle robot: Your logic seems to be outdated  
  
Niobe: So what's a robot like you doing in a place like this?  
  
Tentacle robot: Are you sure you are not human  
  
Niobe: If was a ooman! If I was a ooman, then wouldn't I be kickin yur ass oot the windie?  
  
Tentacle: Phrase does not compute, I have no choice but to bring you in for possible repair  
  
Niobie: *kicks robot through the window*  
  
(Back in Zion that I made earlier)  
  
Senator: What's the news about Neo and Trinity?  
  
Morpheus: They're alive and trying to think up how to proceed with the plan  
  
Senator: I presume you have already worked out a way to release all the humans at once from the Matrix?  
  
Morpheus: . no  
  
Senator: . I presume you already have a way to blow up the Machine power stations.  
  
Morpheus: Actually yes, we were thinking about a nuclear missile  
  
Senator: The technology has been lost to us for several centuries  
  
Morpheus: Yeah right, you have the technology to build EMP frigging weapons with ships that hover and do that static electricity thing, don't tell me we can't build nukes!  
  
Senator: Find me some Plutonium and some plans and maybe we can set about doing it  
  
Morpheus: This sucks we're all doomed  
  
Senator: I did mention that earlier  
  
(Inside the meeting room)  
  
Architect: So what's the sound of one hand clapping?  
  
Sentinel B: You can't make one hand clap  
  
Sentinel A: What are you talking about?  
  
Architect: Ok, say if you were in the middle of Space and there was nothing around apart from this hand, what would be its sound if it clapped?  
  
Sentinel B: Presuming this would be in the middle of space, there would be no air and it wouldn't make any sound at all, not to mention the fact that any muscles inside the hand would be practically useless  
  
Sentinel C: Doesn't it make a sound a bit like two hands clapping?  
  
Smith: Hands are for punching people with when are you people going to learn the facts?  
  
Sentinel B: Smith I find your addiction to violence disturbing  
  
Smith: Let me show you the sound of one hand clapping *clouts Sentinel B over the head*  
  
Machine Mainframe: THAT WILL DO  
  
Smith: So we're all agreed then  
  
Sentinel B: I guess so *rubs cheek*  
  
(Back inside Matrix)  
  
Rubble and fire are pushed aside as a black sooty figure emerges. Smith looks up, his tie burned off at the base of it. He looks up at the sky to see a black dot cross in the red sun. He waves his hand in anger.  
"I'll get you Mr Anderson" he whispered "I'll get you"  
*Safe lands on his head for no apparent reason* 


End file.
